Emmanuelle Project

Emmanuelle In Space 1 – Enter The Emmanuelleverse 11

Tomb It May Concern Emmanuelle Project

And we are back with Emmanuelle!  This time she is headed to the final frontier…SPACE!!  Good enough for Jason (X), good enough for her.  Krista Allen (of Days Of Our Lives) takes up the mantle of the sexiest woman in time and space and does a good job with a strange scenario that isn’t quite up to the oddity of the latest outings, but there is fun to be had.  Naked fun!

See what I mean?
Now then, the basic plot is very amusing as our lady of lust is driving along and picks up a guy that seems to be channeling Mork on a strict Quaalude diet and bearing better abs than Robin Williams ever sported. His name is HAFFRON and he is on a mission to learn about earthlings and what makes them special. Luckily, Emmanuelle explains that we have the art of fucking to share, and that appears to be about it.  She is zoomed up to a spaceship (which she has no problem with, though she is pissed her vacation plans may be altered) and we meet the cast of alien shape shifters eager to learn all about this “orgasm” and “getting ones groove on while listening to a cassette boom box” she speaks of.

There are a few little games like “can Haffron pick out Emmanuelle’s pussy if she changes form to another woman?” and “will the dude that gets his first earth lay in fall in love and stop being an alien” that all propel the film between some decent enough, if not standard, grinding and bumping and groaning and moaning.  Emmanuelle sorts things out and it’s back to the ship for 6 more flicks!

So, is this even close to the later films? Not really, but I have to cop to liking a few things here.  First, there are space ships. I like them. I like seeing them in my Emmanuelle time. So, that is a win.  Also, there is Krista Allen.  She sort of sums up this series to me so far. She is attractive, but not stunning or unique like Laura Gemser or Allie Haze…she looks Soap Opera hot.  Everyone looks like they are on a cruise ship and we are seeing the best of the small batch, and usually the ones with augmented assets to boot. 
And hey, Na Nu Na Nu…pull my penis is pretty funny as a premise for seven films.  I’m in and I’ll keep on going!  For Science. For Sinema. For Emmanuelle!!!

And there is this guy!

Her face says it all…
So hop on board the Emmanuelle Space Ship with me if you dare…you can watch them here!

Emmanuelle Private Collection – Sexual Spells… Enter The Emmanuelleverse 8

Tomb It May Concern Emmanuelle Project

Emmanuelle’s Private Collection-SEXUAL SPELLS is probably the most like what I’d imagined these Nastasja Vermeer films would be like.  It isn’t high concept soft core this time around as Emmanuelle is basically being sort of meta narrated by another erotic writer’s imagination and being propelled along between encounters by a trio of sexy ghosts.

Here, I’ll let him explain.

//www.youtube.com/get_player

While the E stuff is quite random (cue the music, solo scene…random fantasy, Vermeer’s stunning ass grinding…repeat) there is a subplot for the writer and his “innocent” assistant that he is in love with. But lets just take a look at what Emmanuelle is listening to for guidance from the spirit world.

No doubt, if these ghosts come knocking on my door, I’ll do whatever they say.  And Emmanuelle does and does and does.  I mean, is THIS the kind of shot I expect in my softcore?  No. But I’m good with it popping up.  And the scene too.

Yes, that is softcore in the Emmanuelleverse when you dig into the Private Collection.  And what was that I said about Vermeer’s backside?  Indeed!  So, lets get to the plot segment. The one about the writer and the assistant.  It is actually fairly entertaining as the innocent girl asks her erotica loving boss about perhaps doing some escort work.  She meets THIS guy. With a really bad accent and mustache.  Oh oh.

He looks nice, right?  Well, two scenes later they head to a party with THIS GUY and GAL!

Seems OK…go on in.  Really, I mean what could the guy that used to be in the Poison cover band be up to?  Oh…this.

Pretty nice…a little shout out to BLACK COBRA with Laura Gemser or something…  so, a little fire, some snakes.  Nice party…oh. And this.

Sweet…brick wall basement.  Nipple pleasure.  So, Miss Innocent decides this is pretty cool, but the ghosts and Emmanuelle want a happy ending. A happy FUCKING ending. And we get that. Thankfully E and the Ectos are romantics at heart, and Emmanuelle gets to pick her final fantasy too!
Here, have a random ass n’ pinball machine shot. On me!

And then there is this.  I don’t know if it is the aerobicize outfit. Or the nerdly water gun. Or the oral nerdly water gun thing…or what. But it caught my eye!  And this is just the first part…woah.

//www.youtube.com/get_player

And here is the rub that rubs it out…  This is NOT an essential piece of the Emmanuelleverse, but if you look above you’ll notice that I found a lot of things entertaining.  Even this series would get more bizarre (see EMMANUELLE VS. DRACULA), but the high gloss filming style and Vermeer’s looks sort of sucked me in.  Then it just gets odd in the best late night cable way that has my mind and penis zipping back to the days of scrambled porn on UHF. Hardcore wasn’t exactly an easy option (did I ever mention that my first real job was a video shop when I was 17?  AH, the books of sleeves…)–and this is the kind of softcore I would have really enjoyed. Now I’m more amused. And entertained. More entertained than by most of the stuff my neighbors are entertained by.

So I’m hunkering down in the Emmanuelleverse and will report back what I find!  Skip this one unless you have a thing for waterguns and tits out singlet scenes.  I know there has to be one of you out there?  I mean, I watched it. 

Emmanuelle’s SUPERNATURAL SEXUAL ACTIVITY – Enter the Emmanuelleverse 6

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It’s time to jump back into the blimp!  Emmanuelle Through Time continues with “SUPERNATURAL SEXUAL ACTIVITY” and boy, it is just as funny and strange as SEXY BITE!!  This time, we follow along as Emmanuelle (Allie Haze) and her merry band of misfits get hit by an electric storm while bopping around in their ORGASM POWERED AND MILITARY SPONSORED SEX BLIMP (yes, it deserves all cap) and they need to make a jump through a wormhole to escape.  Sadly, Emmanuelle is nowhere to be found, so the nerdy science crew have to bang themselves into oblivion to make the Quantum Leap.  It works for them. It works for us. And it even works for the plot!!!

But of course, there is hitch to be had.  They enter a world where horny ghosts can interact with them!  Ghost dogs hump legs! Ron Jeremy has a woman pop out of his TV to bang (and of course he gets a goofy finish scene because he is Ron Jeremy)!  There are heavy duty hookups between men, women, ghosts and even, yes, an air mattress with the signature E on it!  Emmanuelle’s blimp is THE GHOST HOOKUP!!!

LOOK AT THE E!!!  Can you see it?  Yeah, I got distracted too.
So, the plot goes in a few directions. All of them AWESOME!  One particularly naughty ghost runs rampant by body jumping until she gets control of Emmanuelle, which leads to more Hazeturbation (woo!) and even inappropriate behavior with military authority figures.  This part is pretty entertaining I have to say, and it will all get settled on the above mattress in a ghost to Emmanuelle FUCK OFF for control of her FLEEEEESSSSSSSH!!!  
I love this stuff.  And hey, whatever your sexual orientation may be, if the look on Emmanuelle’s face here doesn’t make you go “yeaaaaah” I can’t believe it.  I’m just bowled over by the work of Allie Haze.  I mean hey, she does amazing facial expressions as this image proves…AND she once starred in Cum Glazed 2, go figure.  Seriously…here.
 
EMMANUELLE WILL OUT BANG YOU! GRAAAAAAR!!!
But wait..there is another plot, and genre fans will get a chuckle out of Emmanuelle finding herself hanging out with a virgin geek ghost as they intrude on the PARANORMAL ACTIVITY films.  Yep, poor old nerdy guy died before getting his dream girl (who has an amazing ass by the way) in “that” way.  But he doesn’t know what to do when he gets there.  Of course the horny hubby is taping them in hopes of catching some ghost sex to sell. Oh he gets it, but only when Emmanuelle’s psychic pal (!!!!) Mandy decides she can’t resist some sapphic spiritism!  It’s actually really funny stuff, using bits of the found footage genre in clever ways to put the BONER in BONE CHILLING.  It has a great finish that would play as “scary” if we couldn’t see the sex scene gag.  Dear Alan Siritzky and everyone involved.  These are great!  Tremble as the ghost strikes…
It gets weirder, a dimension of cgi ghosts save the blimp abd everyone apologizes for fucking each other silly.  And yes, the virgin ghost gets a living girlfriend with one of the nerdy but super hot science gals helps him out. This leads to salvation.  I guess you’ll either love this or hate it, or perhaps be offended by all that sex, but this is what good softcore fun should be.  Everything works from chuckles in your mouth to stirrings in your pants.  
I’ll leave you with this great line because you just can’t mess with it.  Someone wrote this. Many acted it.  I laughed at it. VIVA EMMANUELLE!  
As the nerdy dude re-appears after losing his virginity in the physical realm he has stylin’ hair…and is now a man thanks to Emmanuelle’s crew.  He says this to take it all home.
“I’ll never forget you Renee…I’ll tell all the angels in Heaven about you…and your wonderful vagina.”  
Bonus!!  Allie Haze stars as Princess Leia in a XXX parody of Star Wars done by Axel Braun???  Polishing the Dark Lord’s Helmet? Gotta see it. 

Emmanuelle Vs. Dracula – Enter The Emmanuelleverse 5

Tomb It May Concern Emmanuelle Project

When I watched EMMANUELLE THROUGH TIME: SEXY BITE I thought I was watching this entry! Not so…there is even more Vampiric n’ Sapphic Sexy Time for me, and I couldn’t be happier.  This one is from the EMMANULLE: THE PRIVATE COLLECTION line released in 2004 and features Natasja Vermeer as Emmanuelle.  Right out of the gate I like her, she has a much more “typical” look than say, Allie Haze in the latest sexventures, but that doesn’t work against her at all.  She brings a funny take on the role that casts E as sort of an ironic adventurer that has no sexual fears at all. And she doesn’t mind fucking Dracula before killing him!  You gotta admire that.  While you won’t be able to stop your eyes from wandering all over her, she has some great facial expressions that show she can do comedy as easily as she can soft core masturbate. And that is pretty damn good too.

So what the hell is this about?  We join Emmanuelle in a dream / sleepsturbation sequence as she sees a castle, a shaky head vampire transformation and a whole lot of other naughty stuff.  She pops awake with a “HUH?” and heads out to see her pals since they are having a bachellorette party for one of the girls she used to be in a coven with (??) while in college.  Hey, everyone experiments, right?  Same sex hook ups, drugs and witchcraft just screams COLLEGE at me.  So, they all have little black dresses on (not for long ladies n’ gents) and discuss vibrators and male strippers who show up. But before that all goes down (badummdumm) a mysterious stranger arrives and settles in.  He can hypnotize and mindfuck with a precision that is sharp as a lesbian vampires fangs and provokes one of the ladies into an orgasm that has the most delicate minded of the band of babes wondering if she needs an ambulance!  As the women fall under the dark vampires spell they start fulfilling those hidden girl to girl desires, seduce bulky male strippers and turn vaguely gothic. And then Emmanuelle has to save the day…with spoons as her crucifix and her body as a weapon.
HELL YES!

“Nobody said it would be easy.”
“Since we are using kitchenware to battle the undead I’d say YEAH!”

Well played Alain Sirtizky and crew…well played.

After things get completely out of hand (and frankly I bet most viewers have had something or another in hand by this time), Emmanuelle finds out that she hasn’t been battling the big D just yet! And when he shows up, it is time for Fuck Off to save your SOUL!!!  
Here…this might help illustrate how good this can be.  It’s a massive spoiler, but sort of says it all. Sorry the sound is low, it is the best I have.  It sure is tough to be watching these on headphones and hoping nobody walks in on you.  Yeesh.  More after you gawk at the groove.

//www.youtube.com/get_player

Yeah, it’s got a monster mask or two in the film as well.

So, is this as insane as the others I’ve watched?  Yes and no.  It feels a bit patched together as the vampire talks about how he sneaks inside women and makes them masturbate. Not that I mind tagging along for that, but these scenes feel really tacked on, one being simply a woman on a lawn chair going at it for a 10 minute sequence.  I guess I get off on the ambiance as much as the action when it comes to my berserker soft core shenanigans.  It’s a small quibble, because the cast is really good at what they do.  Vermeer doesn’t get a lot of lines when I think of it, but she does a good job at what she is working with and is absolutely sexy and mixes in a good Euro look with the all American girls that surround her.  Most impressive to me was Molinee Green (recently seen in MILF from The Asylum and the unseen to me but sure to be classic GO FUCK MYSELF 6)–she gets the most work out and carries the load with a troopers zeal.  Also putting in a good days finger flailing is Beverly Lynne. The rabbit hole of soft core vibrations jumps into overdrive when I look at her filmography. She has a series of cable hotflix called Tanya X that features Randy Spears and Evan Stone as a character named BIG BALLS.  Hah, yeah, I want to see that. 

So, do I want more Private Collection?  YES!  Will I blog about them? YES! See you on the other side of the Skinematikal Science Degree I’m working on. 
Bonus…Have one more image and if you ever bump into this, watch it and be sure to hydrate.  Stay safe trashers!