Halloween Horrors 4 – HOLY TERROR (Hellinger In A Habit)

I’ve been rampaging though the horrors, and had a fun hour recording a podcast that covered 3 films by Massimiliano Cerchi with the inestimable twitching brain behind EXPLOITATION RETROSPECT, Dan Taylor. 
So, I need to stay on top of this–so I’m going to blog up HOLY TERROR!!

I went to Catholic schools and had nuns. NONE ever shocked me with light thankfully, though I still fondly remember Sister Mary Beatyerass giving me the business. But this nun takes the cake as she terrorizes Kane, the sunglass rocking realtor / guy in an infernal pact that must sacrifice unbelievers.  His job is to feed the nun souls, but he doesn’t like religious folk, greeting a priest that is on his property to bless it by shouting, “WHAT IN THE GODDAMMED HELL???”  I’ve known many priests, most would not appreciate this kind of talk.  But hey, this magnet of mayhem ain’t a good guy, but Kane gets all the ladies.  You’ll see. Anyway, he finds his tenants, the sexytime couple that feel like escapes from a Joe Sarno film that hop a Tardis to a 2002 film that feels like it was shot in 1990 and it’s on. THE TRAP IS SPRUNG!

It doesn’t take long until both David and Julie are having cowgirl sex that seems totally impossibly slow and languid (thankfully, Beverly Lynne of TOMB OF THE WEREWOLF and the TANYA X series is easy on the eyes!)…but first David thinks he is sleeping with… THE NUN!  Of course, Julie finds this funny!

But laugh, unbeliever, LAUGH NOW.  The nun is coming for you. In the desert. With these guys!!!!

And then there is one of my favorite scenes.  Because when she finally lurches to consciousness after her own dream of sparsely shot terror begins to fade, our beautiful heroine (is she a heroine…I don’t know) awakes clutching her own throat like a WAVE video fantasy!  And undresses.  SEE!

And we haven’t even hit the horror scenes!!!
So, the couple have some friends over and it’s time for drunken passes between pals, arguments over who is hottest, an epic micro disco dance that includes air ass slapping!

There is champagne in those coffee cups by the way.  ANYWHO, I’d be doing a disservice if I spoiled more of this particular film, because THE NUN arrives and death follows on her heels.  Because this:

Despite David’s pleas for everyone to go skinny dipping, they play Witchboard instead (Nunboard?) and hell walks in. As does Kane. And the ladies want a piece of the randy realtor.  Well, he isn’t randy…but after all the slaughter occurs, Kane is about to clue us in and THEN…everything stops. Movie over.

HOLY TERROR was released in 2002, but interestingly feels like a step back from Hellinger’s zany heights (and that is a MUST SEE by the way)–it’s not very stylized, but enjoyable enough at the sub 1 hour running time. Everyone is attractive (well…the dude in the black Manties who also appears in CARNAGE ROAD: THE LEGEND OF QUILTFACE really needed a change in wardrobe), there is a monster and the score will have you pumping your feet in double bass mayhem. 

As a co-feature to Hellinger on the newly released DOUBLE FEATURE FROM HELL, you can definitely check in on this nun–because YOU CAN’T RUN FROM THE LIGHT (as Hellinger might say)..because it’s a shock to the nuts if you try!

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