CONFESSIONS of a blogger smitten with Kristine Heller

Happy New Year to all..what better way to celebrate than to enjoy some VINEGAR SYNDROME action with Kristine Heller giving us her CONFESSIONS?   Works for me!  If you ever wondered what a really good blowjob looks like played over a song that would make the Partridge Family cringe more than a little bit, this is the flick for you!  

 
“It would look a lot better if I could get laid this morning…Gary, we’ve got to sit down and talk and it’s got to be soon. We’re going down a one way street and I got bad vibes that it’s all your way.”

Kristine Heller has the perfect blend of Sexual Skill Smarts, comic timing and well..more sex skills to play a perfectly bored housewife that decides it’s time to get in touch with her inner self, and to let everyone else do the same.  After we meet her and get the sense that her semi-upwardly-maybe mobile hubby who refers to himself in the third person (played to hilarious perfection by John Leslie) is pretty much interested more in having a hot wife to suck his headaches away instead of satisfying her needs…well, it’s on!  Getting dolled up and hitting the road, she finds all kinds of new experiences and satisfactions are coming as fast and furious as she is. 

The shot above is probably the first and only time I’ve ever declared someone in the, “damn, she is Tatum O’Neal hot!” category, but that’s just how I see it.  After Gary gets some amazing therapy in the first scene she decides to bump the first hippy biker she can find on the street, head back to his place and get right back at it.  But can she handle the returned favor?  Of course!!  However, and you definitely could have fooled me, our horny housewife apparently doesn’t have the oral accumen I thought. Thankfully, hippy dude can help.  Hilariously.

“The cock…is very…delicate. Mwarpabarpapharp…suck on..it…suck it back….just a little harder.”

BINGO!  She’s got it now!  So just a few hours after Gary left, she is a devastating hippy trip advised lady of the world!  Heller is trying not to laugh during the instructional phase of our program, but it’s all good…  And hey, she isn’t looking for more than a quick ball and bail.  But can the hippy dude take that?  OH NO!  After she tries to leave there is one of my favorite pronouncements in all of porn! 

 “Hey, if we’re not going to see each other anymore you’re gonna stay here and we’re gonna play!”

[“SOUND OF MOWING THE LAWN”]

Ah, that is just awesome, and CONFESSIONS is just getting warmed up.  There is lots more fun to be had, especially with our heroine meeting up with Gary as he watches women eat at a party in some kind of bizarre loop of attraction while his boss, played by Joey Silvera, gets off with his wife in the bathroom leaving her covered in something that is possibly as protein packed as this banana! 

And what could be more fun than answering an ad and finding out that you are going to get to play some bizarre dominant game with a dude that likes to be teased (Jack Wright has a distressing “young Stephen King” look to him) and then get some sapphic sensualism on with his leather clad wife that knows her way around every bit of a woman?  Not much!

CONFESSIONS is short on plot, but uses a nice and breezy mix of humor to match up with the sex scenes that make up the majority of the running time. I really enjoyed Kristine Heller’s performance a lot, she has a real comfort level in front of the camera that director Anthony Spinelli plays up by letting her talk plenty and keep the pace swift with no overly long scenes.  And when you bounce between Partridge Family groove and elevator musak for long lesbian encounters you know you have me.  I was actually conducting along at one point, but that may have been to keep my hands out of my pants!
Spinelli sure was a prolific porn, and I always think of him as the guy that gave us Batwoman and Catgirl (with my porn fave Madison)…but now I have this little flick to thank him for.  When you let your star break the wall to the audience over a jar of Vitamin E and some Polish Dills I say VIVA CONFESSIONS!!

Special thanks to Gary, for setting his lady free to be with you and you and you and you and…ME!
It’s GROOVY!

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