I’m finding that nothing says Halloween like Spanish Horror Films of the 70s. The Horrible Sexy Vampire is certainly not the best of the batch, but if ever a film celebrated the relentless pursuit of being horrible and sexy, it would be this vampire entry. It isn’t horrible as in bad, it is horribly groovy. And loaded with some of the Spaniard-O-Sexo that goes down so smooth with a good beer and dark night and the shades pulled down in your home theater.
Opening with a classic sequence of a beautiful woman and her husband heading in to a motel for the night to shower (of course) and get a nights rest-the pair are attacked and killed by an INVISIBLE man! An invisible VAMPIRE really, and that made me wonder if he was pulling some trick with mirrors (har har) or this was just a cheap way to not clutter up a frame of a sexy nude woman by adding in a guy in a cape! Well, either way, it works. After this opening few moments the film gives us a ton of exposition about the local lore of the vampire. It seems that the young Count Oblensky has returned to The Black Forest to take a look at his castle. The only problem is that his still kicking around and eternally horny ancestor, Count Oblensky original style, is an invisible vampire that loves to bite young women and kill their lovers.
Luckily for Old School Oblensky, there are tons of women in the area of fine build and eager to remove clothing at the drop of a hat. Or soap. Or some dudes trousers. Regardless of the logic, the movie plays out for the first hour as a nudey flick with a little mystery added as young Oblensky tries to come to grips with the vampiric resident of the castle. Good thing that Val Davis, billed with the awesome pseudonym WALDEMAR WOHLFART, is up to the task of playing the confused descendant and the ready to implode under the weight of his own libido Count Oblensky with equal vigor, because he makes the film work between the frequent nude scenes.
After the first hour runs it’s course, the film picks up as the elder Oblensky taunts his descendant in hopes of being killed! Just threatening him doesn’t work though, the introduction of Patricia Loran as the beautiful young woman in the castle brings the film to life-and we have a vampire terrorizing the castle and eventually getting exactly what he wants. Me, I’m just happy to have Loran deliver the biggidy bam goods and exchange her Halloween costume for a perfect birthday suit! Booooooooooooo…YAH!
The Horrible Sexy Vampire is not a good horror film by any stretch, but as softcore Spanish fun, it succeeds and sure did keep me sitting straight up! It commits some horrific fashion crimes (check out that sweater above…I want one), and is paced poorly to say the least. The first major dialog sequence lasts more than 8 minutes…and while that isn’t bad sometimes, it is completely static and reveals the secret origin of a Vampire that you just know is not going to be all that important anyways. But for groovy ladies, ghoulies and toe tapping tunes of terror…you could do a lot worse.
For a much better horror fix from director Jose Luis Madrid check out his next film, Seven Corpses for Scotland Yard-a unique mystery / horror film that features Paul Naschy bopping around London. If you enjoy oddball Spanish films in their unclothed glory, than you can’t miss The Horrible Sexy Vampire…well, you could-but for the right viewer it is a lot of fun.
What, you still need convincing?? Well, I present to you, the younger Count Oblensky and his lady love…zowie!! Happy Halloween!